CONFUSED

I find myself a recipient of unrequited love, not once but twice and I’m afraid to fall in love again for it keeps on happening to me. Currently, I don’t know whether I’m going to continue loving him or just leave for I haven’t felt anything mutual, although I seldom felt his love way back before but confusion gets its way, always. Should I wait for the fruit to ripen or should I leave and look for another. My mind says “yes, go leave you’re just wasting your love to a person who can never love you back” but my heart says “no, you should wait because you really love that person, don’t you?” Yes, I really love that guy who is presently the reason why I’m smiling and at the same time the reason why I cry myself to sleep and feel that enormous sadness inside of me. The feeling I can’t hide for my action reflects on what I feel. If things don’t work the way I wanted. Perhaps I’ll be teaching myself how to give an unconditional love, with this kind love, there's no sense of loss, because it's about deriving all my happiness from the act of giving, not from receiving. I’ll be genuinely happy to see him smile and happy, even if that happiness of his doesn’t include me. I’m so emotional right now that I could cry and shout to the world how I miss him and love him, but I’m afraid that he would neglect my feelings. Yesterday, March 2, 2015 most probably the happiest day of my life that I heard his voice again and it made me feel right. I wish it would never end. I’m like an idiot that keeps on replaying those sound records he sent to me. But it gets into the point where there is something missing and I just couldn’t figure it out, hmmmm maybe the closeness that binds us once, how I wish things could go back as the way they were before, those emoji’s that we used to send to each other, those immediate replies and the likes, but maybe I’ll have to accept that change is the only constant thing in this world we’re living. Cliche but its true.   And maybe wait for the right time. In God’s time. Should I distance myself for him to miss me? But I’m afraid he might misinterpret it and just go with the flow and find someone else, that’s what I’m afraid of being forgotten by him, he really matters to me . I won’t be tired of loving you from a far, I’ll keep on praying for your good and wait for you to return home.